Wurlitzer Organs n' Shit

The subject of this post makes about as much sense as the title of this blog no sense at all... (but that's why I'm here.)



So I have this issue
It's not with anything in particular, really. I just have issues.
I think the one I'm thinking about right now relates to my problems with blogging...
Not that I disagree with it on principle or anything...

I just suck at doing it.
Occasionally I come up with this really baller¹ idea that I want to share, or a story, and then it's all gravy... but most of the time I just braindump silly shit.
And then there's the inbetween periods where I do nothing for ages. My LJ² friends can tell you all about that one. And to a lesser extent, my Twitter followers as well.
Though with the advent of convenient AdobeAIR apps, I find myself much more inclinced to tweet than to load up Semagic and write an actual journal entry out for LJ.

Whenever I do come up with a good idea though, it's usually ridiculously long and has a lot of inline images because, for some reason, I feel like those help.

But that seems to draw people in more than the little Quick Burst posting that occurs most of the time (Save for twitter, that's sort of their business model).
What any of this has to do with THIS blog, I'm not sure. But I'm sure I'll think up something eventually.
Maybe I'll do a crappy movie review, or talk about the crazy shit I make out of Linguica.
_{Because it's awesome.}

Speaking of greasy shit
I want people to go out and actually make this thing, because I'm still not sure if this was great or horrible, and I want some feedback.

First, figure out how many of your friends want to take the plunge with you and try this. It looks like something straight off of ThisIsWhyYou'reFat.com, and I'm inclined to think it's probably featured on there somewhere.
But sadly; I came up with this MOSTLY on my own. Some elements are borrowed from The Luther Burger³ and Jim Gaffigan. (props, yo)

Now go out and find your closest grocery store and buy that many single glazed donuts.
Not Krispy Kreme, Not Entenmann's.
Those are too fancy for this.
You want those giant, fluffy $0.30c ones they sell at the grocery store bakery. (Not a word on "bakeries", dollhau5). The later you get there after the bakery has actually closed, the better. You want the glaze to be slightly stiff so they grill properly.
Yes I said grill. Sit down.

Next duck over to the Frozen Meat aisle and find the burger patties.
Sure, you could make them yourself from ground beef, egg and bread crumbs, but I already yelled at you because you tried to spend $3 on donuts.

Pick up some bacon. Pick up some sliced ham (not "honey" or "brown sugar", too sweet with the donut).
I also grabbed a Good Old Fashioned American Yellow Onion^(tm), but you can skip that if you're dating me and hate onions.

Now go home, put on your apron (and Eatin' Pants) and get ready to caramelize a donut.

Slice your donuts (or donut if you have no friends) in half and set it aside. You could do this later, but I don't feel like backspacing all this to fit it in someplace more logical to the cooking process.

Start cooking the bacon and the burger patties on separate skillets.
Even if you're not doing a lot of bacon, or got smaller bacon that you know is going to shrink a bit through cooking, still use a slightly large pan for it. You'll be using this one again.

Cook the bacon so that it's still soft and flexible. I'm of the opinion that crunchy bacon does not a good burger make.

When the bacon is done (and I'm assuming it'll be done first for you, before the beef, because the beef was probably frozen if you're doing this last minute like I did), move it off and let it cool a bit. Then drain off some of the bacon grease.
But not all of it.
Try to time this so that the donut finishes about the same time the beef patty will.
Grill the donut lightly on the outside, in the bacon grease, until the glaze begins to caramelize a little.
Flip it over and just brown the inside to your liking if you want to.
Take it out and set it aside for a minute.

Remember a few steps ago when I forgot to tell you to prep the onion if you bought it? Do that now.
Cut it in to rings like you normally would for a burger, then sweat or sautee them a bit in what's left of the bacon grease, also throw in a slice or two of the ham.

While that's cooking down, I like to put a little dijon or yellow mustard on the donutbun.

Compile the burger when you're ready and -enjoy-.

Have some wetnaps handy, too. Or at least a damp towel. I don't think napkins or paper towels can really stand up to this thing.

And that's a Donut-Ham-Hamburger w/ Bacon
Tell me what you think. I'm really curious.





_{[1]: read: lame
[2]: My LJ, add me
[3]: Wiki: The Luther Burger}